


crush culture

by hysteries



Series: beginning middle end (dimension 20 alphabet 2021) [7]
Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series)
Genre: Campaign 01 Season 01: Fantasy High Freshman Year (Dimension 20), Campaign 01 Season 02: Fantasy High Sophomore Year (Dimension 20), F/M, Relationship Advice, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:41:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29825814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hysteries/pseuds/hysteries
Summary: There’s one thing, though, that’s managed to defy even her most fine-tuned of calculations. One person that she’d never, ever, seen coming.Aelwyn’s spent her whole life planning for eventualities, but never for Fabian Seacaster.
Relationships: Adaine Abernant & Aelwyn Abernant, Aelwyn Abernant/Fabian Aramais Seacaster
Series: beginning middle end (dimension 20 alphabet 2021) [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2179170
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21
Collections: Dimension 20 Alphabet 2021





	crush culture

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Dimension 20 Alphabet 2021 collection. My prompt today was **jitters** and the title was taken from _Crush Culture_ by Conan Gray. As always, please feel free to check me out on Twitter [@nellgwyns](https://twitter.com/nellgwyns).
> 
> This was supposed to just be a straight up Aelwyn/Fabian fic, but Adaine wormed her way in and I couldn't leave her out! I love the Abernant sisters so much. This is the second story I've written with Aelwyn doing Adaine's hair, which as an image that works really well for me as someone who used to help brush out her little sister's hair. It's an activity that they can do together, and Aelwyn can feel like she has some control and creativity over. Which, for a girl who strives for perfection, means a lot. This takes place in the same universe as my first D20Alphabet prompt, _alone_ , so please feel free to read that one alongside this one! 
> 
> **TW** for brief mentions of grief and parental neglect.

Adaine may be the divination wizard, but Aelwyn has always prided herself on being ready for any contingency. Up until a year ago, her entire life had been about preparing for what would come next. Even since then, she’s run possibilities through her head like numbers, ticking off long-shots and sure-things.

There’s one thing, though, that’s managed to defy even her most fine-tuned of calculations. One person that she’d never, ever, seen coming.

Aelwyn’s spent her whole life planning for eventualities, but never for Fabian Seacaster.

The first time that she’d come onto him and dipped him deep into a kiss, it’d been a desperate attempt to get Kalina and Kalvaxus out of her head. In the noise and the chaos she’d felt, she’d done all that she could to center herself – at Fabian’s expense. The second time, she’d used the words as a warning. _I think you and I would be very bad for each other_ , she’d asserted while doing her best to push him away. She figured that, with that one bat of her eyelashes, Fabian would run back to his motorcycle with his tail between his legs.

Only he didn’t.

He’s never pushy, never demanding or needy, but he keeps showing up. When she celebrates her first birthday with Adaine and the O'Shaughnesseys, Fabian offers her a shining silver sword and a promise of lessons. He asks her for help with his magic too, even though Aelwyn knows that bard casting is incredibly different from that of wizards. And so they settle into a routine. Every two weeks, Fabian and Aelwyn use the yard of Mordred to spar. Sometimes with swords, sometimes with spells, and sometimes with words.

And then there’s the Hangman.

That starts the night in June where Fabian shows up with red eyes and his father’s name on his tongue. They drink hot chocolate together on the back porch and he tells her stories. Not Seacaster legends, but stories Aelwyn wishes she had about a dad who clapped her on the back and told her how much he loved her. Eventually, Fabian descends into choked sobs, and murmurs, “I need to get out of here.”

It’s a no-brainer to go with him, and so Aelwyn puts on a helmet and settles onto the back of the Hangman.

Which is kind of her favourite place in the world, these days. Recovery has been about order. Finding her place in the world, categorizing herself into an idea of _reformed_ , always thinking about who she is and what she’s done. But when she’s on the Hangman, speeding through Elmville with Fabian, Aelwyn gets that same pit of excitement in her stomach that she used to at Hudol parties. She’s escaping, from her past and from herself. No matter how hard the wind cuts across her face, or how difficult it gets to breathe, she always finishes the ride with a huge grin across her face.

What Aelwyn isn’t sure about is when that grin becomes less about the Hangman, and more about Fabian.

“You really like the Hangman, don’t you?” He asks her once, twisting around to look at her.

“I _love_ him,” Aelwyn replies. With the sun in her face and wind in her hair, she feels younger than she’d ever remembered feeling before. Like the world is rife with possibilities, and all it wants back from her is her joy.

Fabian smiles at her then, a slow, burning expression that makes Aelwyn’s breath catch in her throat.

It’s a cliché, but she’s never felt like this before. She doesn’t know what to make of the heat that starts to boil through her entire body when Fabian laughs at whatever dry comment she’s made, or the tingles that run across any part of her that he touches. Before, it’s always been about power. The people Aelwyn’s tied herself to, they’ve all been about making herself feel bigger and stronger. But Fabian doesn’t make her feel like that at all. He makes her feel weak.

Adaine notices. Of course she does.

“You know he’s been obsessed with you since that Hudol party,” she comments one night. “Fabian. If you just told him how you felt, he’d probably cheer loud enough for the whole town to hear and do like, a victory lap, or whatever it is that boys do.”

Aelwyn’s braiding her hair. She’s standing directly behind Adaine, but somehow, Adaine can still read her mind. Like she always does. Having an oracle for a sister can get incredibly annoying.

“Absolutely not,” Aelwyn cuts back. “I don’t feel anything.”

“You keep doing that wistful sigh thing.” Adaine mimics a wispy breath. “Fig does it all the time, especially when Ayda’s busy with the Leviathan. You like him!”

“I was thinking wistfully about the day you’ll be able to do your own hair.”

“I can do my own hair now,” Adaine replies, “I just like it better when you do it.”

Aelwyn’s annoyance dissipates instantly. She makes sure that she isn’t tugging too hard on her sister’s hair, slackening her grip without loosening any of the braid.

“Well then, you’re going to have to start to pay me.”

“Bill it through the estate.”

After… well, everything, the Abernant sisters were granted the family estate. Aelwyn’s sure it was in no small part thanks to Arthur Aguefort, who kept popping off to Fallinel on his apology tour for whatever it was he did while he’s in prison. It’s become a favourite joke between her and Adaine, this _estate_. Though of course, neither one of them has so much have touched the money. One day, she supposes, they’ll donate it all, and be rid of their parents for good. 

“Since when are you such a brat?” Aelwyn asks.

“Since I’ve had a big sister who refuses to live her life,” Adaine answers. There’s no malice or anger in her words, but Aelwyn feels a sting all the same.

“I live my life.”

Aelwyn doesn’t need to see Adaine’s face to know that she’s raised an eyebrow.

“If you were really living your life, you’d allow yourself some capacity to make mistakes. Including telling Fabian that you’ve got the jitters for him.”

 _The jitters?_ Aelwyn thinks, but what comes out instead is, “Would that really be a mistake?”

“Of course not. Like I said, it’s obvious to everyone on this plane that he fancies you. But you’re so worried about saying or doing the wrong thing that you won’t open yourself up to the possibility of it. But no one goes through life without making a mistake, Aelwyn.”

“I know that.” Aelwyn laughs, but she can hear the hollowness in it. “I’ve made more than my fair share.”

“There’s no such thing as a fair share of mistakes. Jawbone’s convinced me of that much.” Adaine tries to twist in her seat to look at her, but Aelwyn holds firm onto her head.

“Your hair!”

“You’ll fix it.”

Aelwyn rolls her eyes, but whatever. It’s her sister’s decision.

Adaine swivels around in the chair to look at Aelwyn with those big blue eyes of hers. They’re piercing and remind Aelwyn strangely of the orb Adaine used to carry around. _An oracle’s eyes_.

“You can’t try to make it through life without opening yourself up to vulnerability.”

“Isn’t it safer that way?”

“No.” Adaine frowns, so sadly then that Aelwyn’s heart drops. “Isn’t that what you were trying to do before?”

“No,” Aelwyn replies immediately. The past is a touchy subject, even now, after months of therapy and apologizing. “It’s not the same.”

“Oh, I know. _You’re_ not the same.” Adaine has always lacked tact, though Aelwyn can’t say she’s ever had much of it herself. She doesn’t hold Adaine’s words against her; if anything, Aelwyn can at least always count on her speaking from the heart. “And I want you to be happy,” Adaine finishes.

“I am happy.”

“You could be happier. Holding in how you feel, it’s holding you back.”

Aelwyn thinks about that for a long moment. She recognizes the truth in her sister’s words. That the desperate impulse never to err has never truly left her. Even now, as she tries to repent and reform, Aelwyn wants to do it perfectly, without opening herself up to criticism or disappointment. Or, in this case, the possibility of rejection.

“When did you become so relationship savvy?” She copies Adaine’s expression, raising a judgemental eyebrow.

“We live with Kristen, Fig, and Sandralynn. I don’t understand how you _haven’t_ ,” Adaine emphasizes, but her tone’s changed back to light and playful.

“I choose to tune them out.”

“Lucky you,” Adaine sighs, her expression softening. “I guarantee you, they’d be telling you exactly what I’m telling you now.”

“I know,” Aelwyn groans. “You’re right. Is that what you want to hear?”

Adaine smiles. “Always.”

“I’ll tell him,” Aelwyn accedes, “About the jitters, though I would never say that word. Where did you even learn it?” Before Adaine can speak, Aelwyn answers herself. “ _Kristen_.”

“I’ve learned much worse from her.”

“I don’t doubt that at all.” Aelwyn grabs the back of her desk chair and spins it forward, so that Adaine is facing away from her again. “Now, we’re going to finish your hair.” She branches the comb in her hand like Fabian taught her to threaten with her sword. “No more distractions, or I’m leaving it in a knot.”

“I really don’t know what he sees in you,” Adaine teases back, and Aelwyn can’t help herself. She gives a sharp tug on Adaine’s hair. “Ouch!”

“It’s tangled back here. You haven’t been taking care of it,” Aelwyn tuts.

Again, she can read the annoyed expression on Adaine’s face without seeing it. “You’re evil.”

“Reformed,” Aelwyn corrects helpfully. “Remember?”

“Whatever,” Adaine mutters darkly. “You don’t seem very repentant to me.”

“What was it you just said? Everyone’s entitled to mistakes?” Aelwyn grins. “I’m just taking your advice.”

“I can’t believe I’m the younger sister here.”

As Aelwyn keeps at Adaine’s hair, she offers herself a private smile. _Jitters_ , she repeats to herself, thinking of that flash of energy Fabian’s smile inspires inside of her. _Jitters_.

Such a silly word. So juvenile.

And yet —

Adaine was right about that, too. She does have the jitters.


End file.
